Liverpool Win Their First Title for 2017/18!

With only days to go in the January transfer window for 2018, it has emerged that Liverpool football club will claim the 2017/18 “Net Spend” trophy in the “big 6” category for the umpteenth time.  Sources close to FSG suggest owners, John W Henry and Tom Werner are ecstatic at making a profit on the transfer market leaving the other big club’s  (who actually win trophies) at the top end of the table with “utterly embarrassing spending habits” despite Manchester City, Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester United collecting no less than 18 trophies between them since FSG bought Liverpool in late 2010.  A hearty profit of 34 MIILION quid was made this season by LFC.  Henry, whose wife is the kind only a filthy rich billionare could afford, is said to be “over the moon” at the profits gained from once more, selling the clubs best player and buying an above average defender for double the price he’s actually worth.

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The red men have gone on to claim the league cup in 2012 after holding off an utterly shite Cardiff City on penalties.  It has been reported that the other “big 6” club to not win a trophy since FSG’s ownership came to fruition, Spurs (just ahead of LFC in spending) are content to win the “We beat Arsenal to fourth place” title every now and then as chairman, Daniel Levy appears confident he can bring a fucking shit load of NFL teams from America to play at his new pad in north London when it opens for the start of the 2018/19 season.  Levy is said to be quite excited at the prospect of showing off his new project to his mega fucking rich buddies.

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Liverpool will, no doubt look to strengthen the defensive issues that have plagued the club for some time now with a raid on Southampton in the summer to assist Alberto Moreno, Dejan Lovren and Simon Mignolet in the chase for genuine silverware.  No, we’re serious here.  Moreno (who still dines out on his Spurs goal at the Lane from a long, long, long, long, long time ago) insists that the future is bright for the red half of Merseyside. In fact, a source close to the club recently advised us that, “Big clubs like Manchester United and Chelsea have been sniffing around to put the feelers out for our big stars like Lovren and Moreno.  Money just can’t buy defensive quality like that so the chances of selling our most important assets are slim to none.”

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The source added, “When it comes to player sales, we only look to offload players that won’t help us move forward.  You know?  The likes of Coutinho, Suarez and Torres.  Those kids of players just don’t have what it takes to move the club forward.”  

Exciting times lay ahead for Liverpool as they look to emulate Arsenal’s ability to win the “4th Place Cup” every season and win pretty much fuck all in the process.

 

 

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davidnewman1977

Born and raised in Sydney. Well travelled. I have a deep love for live theatre, music and the arts. Ohh, I may also have a deep love for Liverpool Football Club!

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