With my fortieth birthday approaching in a few months, I’ve been reflecting on how life has changed in the past twenty years from when I struck the ripe old age of twenty. One aspect of life that has changed ten fold is the dating game. It’s had more changes over the years that a new born baby has had fresh nappies in its first few weeks of life.
Perhaps it’s about time to reflect on the world of dating in 2017? Here in lay a few observations of life on the Tinder/POF/Oasis/RSVP wagon.
1: Be elusive but don’t walk far
Once up a time it was cool to play it cool when dating a girl. You could keep your distance for a couple of days and everything would be fine. In 2017 if you play it cool, you rapidly fall to the back of the line with little hope of every getting another chance.
2: Show me what you are made of
I’d say two out of every three girls I have dated in the past twelve months have been keen to know how much I earn very early in the peice. Sometimes it crops up within twenty minutes of chatting. One girl told me a few months ago that she doesn’t date men under six figure salaries. Needless to say, we didn’t get past the online chit chat.
How much you earn now has never been more important than it is today.
3: Size does matter!
I was famously told earlier this year that I have a great “dad bod” which left me wondering exactly what a “dad bod” is? Well, it’s not a six pack that’s for sure! Image is everything and you can easily find yourself at the back of the line if you don’t have the gym body that many woman seem to expect in us lads today.
Even the size of your cock (ok, I said it. Shoot me now!) can come between getting anywhere past a couple of dates. One girl told me back in March that she only sleeps with men bigger than ten inches! That’s us average guys fucked then! Not literally mind.
4: Ghosting no longer means you are on a ghost tour
Yep, ever left scratching your head after a couple of dates of good conversation and what you thought was a good connection only to find she won’t talk to you anymore? Have no fear gentlemen, she has already moved onto something better but wasn’t at all fussed to tell you face to face that you are on yer bike! Hiding behind the safety of a smart phone to bin you off is the norm today. That’s even if they bother to tell you to begin with.
5: Show them the money
You better get a fatter wallet because most girls these days, despite telling you how much they’re into the feminist movement and equality, still “accidentally” slip back into that 1950’s mode when it’s time to pay for dinner, drinks or the cup of tea and cake you so very much enjoyed.
Pretty rude when you meet someone for the first time and you both know there is no spark. Dutch anyone?
6: I’m not into sex straight away but….
So many girls on dating sites today happily show images of their breasts, their bums, their taste in lingerie all within their profile without actually leaving much to the imagination. Worse still, they often have a rant within said profile of how they are sick of guys treating them like sex objects. *shakes head*
7: Attention! Attention! Attention!
You know when you chat to a girl and you chat and you chat and well, you just keep chatting? Well, they have no intention of meeting you because they just want guys to tell them how amazing they are and how much they want them. I know this because a work colleague of mine told me she does exactly this because she is bored with her fella and craves attention. Go figure?
8: Lights, camera….photoshop!
So we are indeed all very guilty at some stage of fiddling with the contrast on our piccies so we have more selling power but what’s with all the snap chat edits of dog ears, cat whiskers and bird noses on girls photos? Hello! Can we just see your face please? It’s a tad like the blokes who plaster photos of their car, their bike, the massive fish they caught, their tool shed (yes, one guy used his tool shed as his main selling point to a friend of mine) or their six pack in the toilet mirror.
9: She’s so into that until…..
….you have been together a while and all of a sudden it turns out she doesn’t actually like Radiohead or staying in hostels when travelling. Hell, she doesn’t even like watching the football! You kind of get this when she calls it “soccer”. In fact, she adores Britney Spears and stays in nothing less that five star hotels. They just tell you what you want to hear. Why not just be yourself?
10: Don’t tell my husband!
It’s happened a few times now over the past year where I have met what appeared to be lovely people only to find out they have husbands and/or boyfriends but seem incapable of making the break away from the aforementioned partner.
Whatever happened to being honest with your partner and working through the rough patches before sailing off into the sunset with your harem of men in tow? I wise man once said to me that the grass is only greener where you water it the most…..